Belief Systems Popping Loose
Wow things are really fun right now. Purging can be so cool once the heavy, confusing shit no longer clouds my beautiful mind:) I can’t believe how time STRETCHED so wide and deep during a quick ten days. Gotta love smashing a belief system!
Since the popping lose of the money belief system (it looked like a ‘matrix’ hairnet – too tight around my head) other systems have begun to go as well. Easily, effortlessly, like I’ve seen some be able to do. I always had an affinity for doing things the hard way (had to see it to believe it!) Whatever works…it’s all experience.
Now that I’m sitting here, I’m drawing a blank as to how to explain this in words that will do the depth justice. This is a constant challenge, as the words on paper appear the same as many have read countless times in countless books.
I will have to trust the energy of the words to have the power, undiluted by photocopies, coming directly from my experience. And that it will be obvious how the seemingly superficial symbols link deep into the depths of what the reality is…
Real Life Blind Spots
I didn’t even see it…as are the nature of the blind spots. The sticky web of high school following me around like thin hairs of silk you can never quite shoo off.
The ‘starving artist/free spirit’ mentality that was keeping me broke, fearing the judgment of its peers (I’m living more simply and organically than you, and therefore am better)
The ‘too cool to be quirky’ mentality that was keeping me tunneled, fearing the judgment of its peers (if you say something too weird or too awkward, we won’t know how to handle it so keep your mouth shut)
The ‘must be all light at all times’ mentality that was keeping me fermenting in refined sugar, fearing the judgment of it’s peers (if you feel any emotion or explore any piece of Life that is not all flowers and rainbows, you’re heading off to the infamous Dark Side and we banish you from our Light space – ironic since light knows no bounds)
The ‘can’t care about your appearance’ mentality that was keeping me energetically grungy, fearing the judgment of its peers (if you have a Gucci bag, you must care about superficiality and are therefore not deep enough for us)
The ‘can’t make music or art unless you are at professional quality calibur’ mentality, fearing the judgment of its peers (if you sing and suck at it, everyone will know you’re not as good as us and not a ‘real’ artist)
It’s a self-created ‘clique’ mentality that I had never quite released from high school. Whether there is actual judgment happening or not, I have been the judge, assuming I would not be acceptable in whatever small group consciousness.
Spiritual Community Dogma
I saw it often in religions…the initial entryway that opens up a path, only to hit a ceiling and force a conformity. I then saw it in the ‘Western Spiritual World’, though not an official institution, there are ideals and social norms (the most ‘spiritual’ being those who eat only raw vegan, meditate and do yoga daily, live simply and below means, and never, ever watch TV).
I now see it within my own self – my self created belief systems that I was constantly striving to satisfy my ‘ideal’ (mostly a combination of beliefs I had picked up along the way.)
The evolving truth, as I see it at the moment, is that there cannot be a ‘static set of goals’, whether self or group created. Because things are always in motion. For one person trapped in a fear-based belief, breaking free and drinking a soda may allow them the liberation energetically that unentraps them.
For another, the discipline in breaking free of the habitual 10 cokes a day may be their peace. It’s all about balance, to get back to the middle no matter which side of the spectrum you are on.
Flow Evolves Us
And it changes. It always changes. As the body purges, whether it be at accelerated rate in Ayahuasca work or something else, or simply the natural pace of Life, things bubble up out of the body to release, like a burp. Be it through an emotion, a thought process, a physical body manifestation or social relationship situation, the theme occurs.
It occurs in the world recognizable to the person. For an athlete, the sports analogies hold the wisdom. For a Buddhist, they come through meditation. For a ‘regular’ person, it may click through a street sign. The point is to see it, and let it out. Otherwise, you may get bloated.
So now, I begin to explore pieces of myself and life I had inhibited before. I may learn to ride a motorcycle. I may learn streetfighting. Maybe I’ll even be a real rebel, and buy a Gucci bag (why is that the hardest one for me to swallow? lol) The point it, no one can see inside of my integrity, my Life, and my process.
Isn’t the point to experience all of Life that you desire? No matter how silly it may seem. The Gucci bag may represent liberation into abundance (though real talk, I’m not buying a Gucci bag). But it’s also not just a bag.
It is a symbol, connected to the energy I am choosing to loosen up and release. I may even sing out loud, in front of people, and publicly suck at it. It’s my energy pattern, and the more I’m out of my uncomfortable comfort zone, the freer I become.
Still in the Womb
Though I have had a couple hundred ceremonies, I haven’t even been birthed in the world of Ayahuasca. I’m still getting prepared, marinating in the womb of the Medicine, about to break into a whole other dimension of this world I am accustomed to. And it feels so good, right now.
A fetus isn’t checking and comparing its maturation in a belly to that of its peers. It knows it is perfect…that thought wouldn´t even need enter its field. I am the same, as I get rebirthed through the Medicine. As Mama Aya reminds me…’you ain’t seen nothin’ yet’:) Enjoy the sweet freedom at every step.
NEXT: Gossip Sucks