Part One: The Backstory and Pregnancy The Flow was unmistakable. Sometimes I just can't question these things, no matter how they may appear on the outside. But when the Divine is guiding and my hands are up, the spirits/God/Source (whatever label) always seem to come up with a genius plan that I never would have even dreamt up. Campbell's waterbirth story was no exception. The intention had been out there, since I was a little girl. I always wanted kids (yet somehow I questioned whether the "family/partner" part would be in the stars for me.) Maybe it was growing up with divorced parents, maybe it was my fear of being inadequate - but either way, I knew I would have children, and hoped I would fall in love - in that order. Getting … [Read more...] about Campbell Elder’s Creation and Home Waterbirth Spiritual Ceremony
Phase 3: Ayahuasca Apprenticeship at Home (Without Ceremony): Ground Level Society Consciousness Work
[caption id="attachment_859" align="alignleft" width="150"] Artwork Credit to Kim Brennan of Hasina Mehndi & Body Art[/caption]
Phase 3: Ayahuasca apprenticeship at home (without physical ceremony) is the period in my life (Summer 2011 - Winter 2017) where I had become unexpectedly pregnant with a new relationship, and continuing apprenticeship spiritually-only ("dry") for nearly six years.
This time was the toughest of all, moving through becoming a new parent, new marriage, then new divorce. The ‘on the ground’ training of navigating the truth of who I am while living under western consciousness constructs. The Medicine supported me spiritually the entire time.
Preparation for Mother and Baby Amazing, simply amazing. A new level of preparation indeed. First of all, I was nervous about writing this blog. The words I would choose, the fear of being judged. It's not fair for me to expect a person who has not worked sufficiently with the Medicine to truly understand what it is physically and spiritually, and the benefits on all levels to the body, mind and spirit. It is not uncommon for shamans to allow their children to participate in ceremony, and often encourage their pregnant wives to participate in order to strengthen the baby, physically and spiritually. These plants are the best thing I can imagine putting into my body, and years of working with them has continued to reinforce this as my … [Read more...] about Ayahuasca Ceremony #236/Pregnancy Week 24: A Gift from Mother to Mother
Down the Rabbit Hole So since facing some of the fear that caused the push/pull with relationships, I've since gone even deeper into the rabbit hole, all the way to past lives. The energetic "tectonic plates" shifted underneath, allowing me for a more firm footing in partnership, which was a necessity for our incoming child. Fear of Stepping Up What has been showing up over the last week or so - not new, but to a new, noticeable level - is that same, persistent fear of stepping up, out, and using my voice in the world. My Life Purpose/Love Offering/Soul Calling stuff. I kept attributing it to the generic fear of success, but something felt a little thicker than that, an oppressive force even. Like there was something (removable) that … [Read more...] about Pregnancy Week 18, Day 3: Past Life Stranglehold
On People-Pleasing "People-Pleasing" (or lack thereof as of late) has been a topic of conversation since I've been pregnant. It's an interesting phenomenon for me - what it feels like to be bitchy for a period of time. In a way I think it's good for me. Sound crazy? The Arrogant Ego Aspect You know, I have spent a long time coming off of this arrogant ego. So while my early stages of spiritual growth definitely had me doing the old annoying "preachy and condescending New Ager" thing for a couple of years (which, of course, I was totally blind to. It's only until I started noticing how annoying it was in other people that the mirror unveiled the embarrassing reflection), the over-correct next stage (which was another few years, and … [Read more...] about Pregnancy Week 16, Day 2: On People-Pleasing, Judgment, and Being Human
The Rebel So I'm trying to get into the habit of blogging at least every weekday morning. Sometimes it may be just thoughts in my head, from the past, present or future. So I'm at 16 weeks today: 4 months pregnant. Fast and slow at the same time. I find myself refining the nature of my inner rebel. Fear of Being Swallowed by Domestication I've been purging emotionally almost the whole time - the theme being "the fear of my soul being swallowed by domestication" (though I can tell when I'm at the end of a purge when it starts to all of a sudden look annoying to me, which is happening. Like - if you don't want to lose who you are, then don't. Duh.) Kinda funny how the eyes change throughout the process. Fear of Losing the Wild … [Read more...] about Pregnancy Week 16: Refining My Rebel