How Much Fear of Failure Do I Have? Wow. As I begin to emerge from the little cocoon I've been resting in, I'll be curious to see how it shows up; the integration of major foundational movement in Peru, plus application back in the US. And now it's on. It's up to me to decide how much I believe the fear of failure. How much I let the haters hate (and of course, our version shows up in "spiritual people" format). How much I am willing to get out of my own way to let the release underneath the ego flow, and find the balance between my spirit, my self, and my Life Purpose (or "Love Offering" as I will be using for the duration of the blog.) Body Sluggish After the ego pop from the last blog (and basically around the time Infinite Light … [Read more...] about Ayahuasca Ceremony #230: Time to Fly (Releasing Fear of Failure)
Phase 2: Deep into Ayahuasca Apprenticeship Between the Amazon and Home
Deep into Ayahuasca apprenticeship, this is the period of time (Summer 2008 - Summer 2011) where I spent at least half the year in a small village in the Peruvian Amazon, in my own apprenticeship while supporting others in the Medicine through the Infinite Light center. This is the thick of my time in Peru, and the accelerated learning that came with it.
New Relationship, Old Triggers I know it's been forever since I posted. Sometimes when I'm in the whirlwind, I can't see straight enough to form actual, coherent words. Until I can see it, I obviously can't articulate it. But here we are, in the midst of deep relationship triggers. So as many of you know from Facebook, I have recently gotten into a new relationship. New, yes, but the connection, not so new. It is with someone who has been a friend for about thirteen years (which is interesting by the way, as my parents are thirteen years apart, my lucky softball number was thirteen, Luco and I were thirteen years apart, and now this one! Random side note.) Anyway, I'm in a space I've never been in before - I was, as always when I'm in a … [Read more...] about The Layer Above My Soul: New Relationship, Old Triggers
Long-ass Process to Collective Consciousness Purge Completion Yes, I know it's a boring, direct kind of title. But it's true. It's been a few weeks since it finally came to completion of this collective consciousness purge, thank f'cking God. That was one of the deepest core consciousness - hitting on fears that I didn't even realized I had down there - kind of purge. Various waves for six months. It took me two years of Inner Visions and three and a half years in the Medicine to be ready to handle that one! Okay, so while I recognized that I was purging, and working through it accordingly, there always seems to be more clarity in hindsight, once the energies have really shifted out. It all lined up, physically, emotionally, and … [Read more...] about Six-Month Collective Consciousness Purge Completion: A Humble Wow
Emergency Road Trip What can I say? I'm in an experience, for sure. Had a little last breath spin out on Catalyst boy for a minute, but it kind of fizzled down as that purge seems to be coming to completion. I'm developing the freedom to choose. It all came to a head last weekend, when I realized I was rebelling against myself. Sometimes it's not an obvious trigger. It may be totally irrational, and I may be fully and completely aware that it's a nothing trigger. Yet still, sometimes when the energies are purging, chaotic ape-shit-ness is all I can feel. At least I know logically what's going on (versus back in the day, when I was feeding my own victim mentality.) So a friend of mine who has been parallel purging this consciousness stuff … [Read more...] about Rebelling Against Myself
Who am I, Why am I Here, and am I Willing to do What it Takes? I've been back to the US for a little over a week, and things are still rolling like crazy. I don't even know where to start this blog because so much has happened since the last one, but here goes nothing. I'm learning to do what it takes to get myself able to live out my life purpose (including the parts that are uncomfortable). Okay, so the doubt purge continued at full force. Oldschool again, dark consciousness shit. We did a ceremony on the boat again and I was able to handle purging maybe twice as much as normal, since the water sucks it away immediately. That night was the grand finally for me... I was still really mareada when we docked back at the village...half in … [Read more...] about Ayahuasca Ceremony #225/Plant Diet #8: Do What it Takes